Handicap Protection or just the way we Pheasants play?

11 Ways To Inflate Or Protect Your Handicap That Are 100% Legal

There is  a subtle art to protecting your handicap. To do it right, you have to do it legally. And there's lots of ways you can do that...

Look, I’m not one who tries to fudge the handicap numbers. Not my thing. But I’ve met quite a few members of the handicap protection league over the years, and there’s undoubtedly an art to it. So, if your goal is to…manage…your handicap situation this upcoming season, here’s a few, completely legal ways do it in 2022.

1. Putt everything out

Practically every golfer sweeps up tap-ins that, over the course of the season, turn into two and three and four footers. But if you want a more accurate handicap, putt all those short, tickle putts out.

2. Play by all the rules

Lost a ball? Go ahead and drop one. Carve one out of bounds? Play it as a hazard. Breakfast ball off the first? Sure. All those rules are designed to help pace of play — and your score.

3. Play in bad weather

An easy one, but probably not the most enjoyable.

4. Don’t warm-up

Just think of the first few holes as your warmup holes. Or heck, even the front nine.

5. Play O.B. properly

Similar to No. 2, but it’s worth re-emphasizing. If you think it’s OB, play a provisional. Play it as the rules state, and your score won’t thank you for it.

6. Borrow clubs

Clubs that aren’t fit to your specs, that feel uncomfortable and fly different distances than you are accustomed to requirer an adjustment period that will probably cost you a few strokes.

7. Enjoy a few beverages

Enjoy responsibly, of course. Having a few beverages while you play will certainly make the game more fun, but your game will quickly deteriorate if you’re not careful. 

8. Play immediately after taking a lesson

Lessons are great. Every golfer should take lessons. But taking a lesson and then immediately trying it on the course is a disaster in the short term.

9. Forget about the target and focus on five swing thoughts instead

One or two swings thoughts is great. Three swing thoughts is pushing it. Five? An implosion waiting to happen.

10. Try hitting the ball as hard as you can

Swing speed is good. Swinging hard is good. Swinging so had that it’s out of control will tank your score, so try it, if that’s what you’re going after.

11. Never practice

Putting in the time on the range or putting green, even if it’s just for a short period, will make you a better golfer. No question. If you only play and never practice, you’ll become rusty — but you’ll still be able to get it going every now and again.

Golf Resolutions for 2022

9 Realistic Golf Resolutions You Need To Set For Yourself In 2022

While 130 mph swing speed may not be a realistic New Year's Resolution, there’s plenty you can control to make 2022 your best golf year yet.

A new decade is upon us, which means the next phase of your golf career is just beginning. We’ve already covered why 2022 is shaping up to be a banner year in the pros, so it’s officially time to get to the golfer who really matters: you! And while 130 mph swing speed may not be on the horizon, there’s plenty you can control to make this your best year yet. Wait a minute, I think we’ve stumbled on something:

1. Control what you can control!

Let’s make that our first golf resolution of the new year. Here are eight other realistic (!) resolutions for your golf game in 2022.

2. Get to the course early!

We’re not recommending any Bryson-level range sessions nor Tiger’s five-hour pre-round prep, but it wouldn’t hurt to kick the habit of rolling into the parking lot while the rest of your group is lined up on the tee, glaring in your direction (my playing partners are nodding in unison). How ‘bout allowing 20 minutes to hit a few balls, loosen up a little and talk some putting-green smack? This is a big personal goal for the new year.

3. Make those short putts!

We all know the temptation of swiping away a three-footer, but try to hole your shorties in 2020. Under pressure, there’s no such thing as an easy putt — if you make ‘em when they don’t matter, they’ll be easier to make when they do matter.

4. Plan a golf trip!

Keep in mind that not every golf trip requires five days at Bandon Dunes or a weeklong Irish odyssey. The best part about a golf trip is looking forward to said trip; it’s valuable to have something on your calendar that gets you excited. You already know that we’d highly recommend a trip to any of our Top 100 Resorts, but a golf trip can just as easily mean a 36-hour getaway to play two courses you’ve had your eye on just an hour from home. Tailor your trip to your budget, your availability and your preferred company — adventure is out there for everyone!

5. If something works, write it down.

Sometimes the simplest swing thought can get you in the groove, but we know that never lasts forever. Still, when you find a trigger move or a specific feeling that works, write it down! Start a list on your phone. That way, if you’re ever feeling lost you can run through a checklist of stuff that’s worked in the past.

6. Get a lesson.

A great complement to said list! Nothing has to be seriously wrong for you to benefit from a little instruction from a trusted source. Think of it like seeing the doctor for your annual check-up, but more fun.

7. Leave your phone in your bag.

There are plenty of reasons to have your phone out while you play: scorekeeping apps, background music, checking GOLF.com. But if you can, try leaving your phone in your bag. Part of the joy of the game can be in unplugging; you might be surprised how much fun you have — and how well you play.

8. Walk more.

Golf is great exercise — as long as you get out of the cart. I’m not here to tell you to go buggie-free in 2022, but walking 18 holes can help you with those other New Year’s resolutions: getting in shape, shedding a few pounds, etc.

9. Play more!

The whole reason we like to play golf is that, well, we like to play. This doesn’t mean you need to spend 11 hours every Saturday at the country club — it means you should make time for some extra golf here and there. An emergency nine. A few holes at dusk. Maybe even snag the first tee time Sunday morning and get 18 in before brunch. If you’re intentional about it, you can sneak in some bonus holes in 2022 and have some fun while you’re at it.

8 Socially Acceptable Ways to Cheat

8 socially acceptable ways to cheat at golf?

Whether you know it or not, almost every golfer breaks the rules in some form or another. And that's ok! Here are the most common ways.

The rules of golf are harsh. Unyieldingly so, in many cases. Lots of times golfers break the rules unknowingly. Other times golfers make the executive decision not to abide by certain rules because this game is hard enough anyway, so why not give yourself a bit of a break? I do it, you do it; almost every golfer does it. It’s ok, you don’t need to feel guilty about it, but let’s be honest about the various everyday ways golfers cheat but are kind of ok with it.

1. Breakfast Ball

I was playing with an Australian friend over the summer who was outraged when one of our other playing partners pulled out an extra ball on the 1st tee after a carving hook on their initial tee shot. Apparently mulligans off the 1st aren’t a thing in most other countries. It’s a pretty strange concept when you think about it, but most of us are ok with it anyway.

2. General Mulligans

The 1st tee isn’t the only place people take mulligans, though. They come after thinned bunker shots, chunked wedges water-bound approach shots and everything else. Ordinarily I don’t care, but whenever I see people taking mulligans and then inputting their eventual score into the handicap system, that always makes me feel a little weird.

3. Gimmies

I’m the king of gimmies. I sweep away sub-five footers all the time, and routinely tell my partners to pick it up to. Do I give myself putts that I’m only certain I’d make, in the interest of keeping a good pace of play? I’d like to think so. But I know, deep down, that’s just not true.

4. Touching Your Line Of Putt

Do you use your towel, or nice new hat, to waft away the leaves whenever they’re interfering with your line? I bet you don’t. Technically, that used to be against the rules of golf, but don’t worry, the penalty was eliminated when the new Rules of Golf were enacted on January 1, 2019. Now, there is no longer be a penalty for merely touching the line of play on the putting green.

5. Improving Your Lie

Have to admit, this is another one where I’m a serial offender. Not so much when I already have a nice lie, or when I’m in the rough but not punished too badly. But in egregious cases, like when I smash the ball down the middle only to find my ball in a divot, sure, I may give myself a slightly improved lie. And you know what? I’m ok with that.

6. Seeking advice during their round

Have you ever been playing poorly and asked your buddy for some swing advice? Or felt a gust of wind and asked your playing partner what club he’s hitting? That’s against the rules, fella. And besides, you probably shouldn’t be messing with your swing halfway through your round, anyway.

7. Borrowing Clubs

You’re out on the course, maybe it’s cart path only, and you realize you grabbed the wrong club. Do you really want to walk all the way back to your cart, or will you just grab your buddy’s club and take a swing?

8. Not taking stroke and distance

Of all of these, this might be the most common. Certainly in my neck of the woods. You carve one out of bounds, or you hit your ball into a patch of particularly nasty rough and the ball is never seen again. Don’t be that guy who goes all the way back to the tee, club in hand, to hit another one from the original starting point. All you’ll do is annoy the guys your playing with, interrupt the group playing behind you, and slow down pace of play for everyone.

A usful chart to decide on whether to go for it or not!

Your call...

Course Marshals

ClubProGuy: Tips for hiring the perfect golf course marshal

CPG suggests ignoring the temptation to hire a customer service-oriented individual, and to instead go for a hothead unafraid of physical confrontation.

As a working club pro at an elite facility that accepts Groupons®, I wear lots of hats. In addition to teaching the game at a high level, I also vacuum the pro shop, manage beverage-cart operations and handle (let’s just call them) delicate outside services. It’s a big job. Luckily, I’ve been around long enough to know that the key to any successful golf op
is surrounding yourself with the right people. A solid team makes my job a lot easier. More importantly, it makes
me look hella good.

Aside from the cart girls, the most critical hire a club pro makes is the on-course marshal. The right guy sets the tone for the entire place. Unlike most decision-makers in the golf space, I ignore the temptation to select a customer service–oriented individual with a friendly disposition. If you want to keep rounds under six hours and assure all beers are bought on-site, you want a guy with an edge, a hothead who literally dares members to take their cart off the path at a 70-degree angle, a powder keg who patrols the course as if America’s security depends on it, who believes
the mere sight of a member hitting chip shots onto the putting green warrants a physical confrontation.

Impossible to find, you say? Adhere to my four hiring tips and you’ll have your members terrified in no time.

1. Pedigree

A divorced retiree is a must, but be sure to look closely at his employment history. I’ve found that disgruntled union workers — guys with ginormous chips on their shoulders— make great candidates. Also be on the lookout for career high school vice principals who believe that the end of corporal punishment marked the downfall of our public education system.

2. Hobbies and Interests 

Heavy drinkers and NRA members often have the proper temperament.

3. Criminal History

Background checks are critical, sure, but don’t shy away from a candidate with a rap sheet. I won’t even interview a prospective hire if he doesn’t have at least one road-rage conviction.

4. Fashion Sense

My current course marshal showed up for his first day in fatigues — but he’s an overachiever. If a candidate interviews in a POW-MIA hat and Members Only jacket, you’ve found your man

Organising a Golf Tour - Who will they all be???....

Dear Pheasants, we all can relate to someone listed below......I have been advised not to try and put names to these..😀

No golf buddies’ trip would ever come together without the tireless (and often thankless) work of the trip’s planner. But that’s not the only role that’s filled when you hit the road and join your pals for a few days of golf and high jinks. Here are the types of personalities you’ll see on every golf trip. And yes, you certainly can be more than one.

The Gambler

They want unlimited presses, action on every up-and-down and will hammer out the post-round damage in no time while sipping a drink from the clubhouse patio. No biggie if they’re on the losing end since they’ve got cash on that three-team parlay that evening.

The Mooch

He’ll find a way to have you pay for the first round and promise to pick up the second but, funny, next time the bar calls he’ll be still in the car park sorting his stuff. But that’s just the start. Somehow he keeps getting invited back every year.

The Over-Indulger

He’s away from his job, rambunctious kids and honey-do list, and damn it if he’s not gonna grab two glasses of red with every passing of the bar. His score is usually invalid, since the majority of his back nine is spent on the buggy as he struggles to stay awake thanks to the half bottles he snuck in his golf bag.

The Planner

The Boss of the trip organises rounds, teams, hotels and after-hours entertainment. He spends so much time trying to get everything right that you best like it or are bound to hurt his sensitive feelings.

The Stick

They were county standard in high school and alledgedly hardly play anymore, but they still make your 220 yard slice/hook look like child’s play compared to their 290 yard draw around the corner. They’ll chip in or make a putt longer than 25 feet at least once per round, but you won’t complain if you’re on the same team.

The Other Guy

He’s either someones school buddy or perhaps a brother in law. We’re not really sure. Either way he keeps to himself and laughs at most of our jokes to fit in, so it’s all good anyway.

The Social-Media Star

He’s a social media influencer in the making despite the fact he has a whopping 2 followers. In his mind every hole with water is Insta-worthy, and on that 18th green you best be ready for the group selfie with the flag flapping in the background.

The Slow Poke

The only thing worse than watching them read six-footers from four different angles is waiting for them to walk 30 yards down the fairway to pace-off yardages from sprinkler heads. That or their seventh practice swing from the tee box.

The Guy Who Is Just There For The Other Stuff

They are going to pick up on a few holes and are most likely to play classic rock from the buggy, but let’s be honest, he is really here to play pull-tabs and drink tall boys at Mulligan’s Bar and Grill in a few hours. The golf is just an excuse to hang with friends.

The Back-Tees Guy

A touch over 7,200 yards is a long track for Frank. Frank doesn’t care. We don’t like Frank.

The Pro Imitator

They dress like they’ll shoot 74 when it’s really going to be more like an 104. Nothing wrong with that, but what really irks you is when they start holding up their hand and using the AimPoint Express technique (click the link to see what that is) without having the slightest clue of how to actually do it.

The Can’t-Believe-I’m-Playing-This-Badly Guy

He just made his third straight double but he’ll be quick to remind you — even though you didn’t ask — just why that should have been an easy par and how his approach was just inches from being a birdie, probably. Afterward he’ll give you the shot-by-shot breakdown with the summation that, damn it, his 97 probably should have been a smooth 83.

The Know It All

They played here once five years ago so of course they like their numbers better than the caddie’s, and whatever you do, don’t start arguing that their version of Wolf is wrong because everyone knows you’ll never win that one. Worse yet, just wait until you rocket a drive into the woods — he’ll be the first to tell you how to fix that pesky miss.

The Can’t-Disconnect-From-Work-Or-Family Guy

There is the player who likes to unplug and be device-free on the links, and then there is this guy. Don’t be this guy. They’ll finish holes early to gain an extra few minutes to hash out their call, yet when it’s their turn to hit they’ll be 30 yards away pacing behind the tee box, trying to brainstorm strategies on how corporate can reach next month’s goals. 

The Killjoy

Everyone was having a blast until, right on cue, he's had enough of his three-blobs and walked into the clubhouse or sulked on the buggy. There goes that friendly round.

The Optimist

Bless his heart. His swing would make most of us quit the game yet he just shot 102 with only six lost balls and 44 putts but thinks he found something. He and his sunny disposition has also never seen a shot he hasn’t complimented.

The Gadget Guy

He’s got a rangefinder ready, a stroke counter strapped to his belt and owns more swing aids than Padraig Harrington. Yet he somehow still can’t break 90......

New Balls Please??

How long can you use a golf ball before noticing a performance drop-off? We have your answer

For the average golfer, making it through 18 holes unscathed without losing a ball is a cause for celebration. But how long can balls last?

In an era where most professional golfers change golf balls at least a handful of times per round, 25-year-old Alex Chiarella did something truly remarkable at the Lethbridge Paradise Canyon Open when he opted to play the same Titleist Pro V1x for all 72 holes en route to his first Mackenzie Tour victory.

For the average golfer, making it through 18 holes unscathed without losing a ball is a cause for celebration. Wayward tee shots and the occasional bad bounce make it commonplace to lose at least one ball per round, which is why it’s always advisable to have a few spare pellets in the bag, just in case.

Even professionals carry extra balls — somewhere in the neighborhood of seven to 12 — but their reasons differ slightly when it comes to putting a new sphere in play. Some believe there’s a performance benefit to be had by using at least a few new balls per round, while others, like 2019 U.S. Open winner Gary Woodland, are superstitious and prefer to change balls when a square goes on the card.

But with only four bogeys during the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, Woodland went extended stretches with the same ball in play, never once considering the thought of swapping for a freshie.

“I love the durability,” said Woodland, who currently plays the Pro V1. “I only switch balls when I make bogeys, so I only took four balls out of play at the U.S. Open. So, I played with the same ball a lot, which was nice. But, the big deal is consistency and no surprises and I didn’t have any of those.”

Given the lengthy stretches Chiarella and Woodland have gone recently without changing balls, it begs the question: How long can a golfer go with using the same ball before noticing a performance drop-off?

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According to a Titleist representative, “they have considerable communication with ‘regular’ golfers as well who will write us about the durability and performance of our golf balls with images of the golf ball having played over 120 consecutive holes with the same ball.”

In other words, if the ball takes on wear during the normal course of play, the average golfer won’t see a drop-off in performance. However, that changes when the ball, for example, catches the cart path or ricochets off a tree and incurs a scuff larger than the size of a dime.

“Our normal rule of thumb for regular golfers is as long as paint loss, a scuff or defacement of the golf ball is less than the size of a dime, it should be good to go,” the representative said.

With significant improvements to the overall durability of the elastomer cover, it’s no longer a requirement to rotate balls like it was during the heyday of the liquid-filled balata.

If Alex Chiarella can use the same ball for 72 holes in a competitive event, you can do the same thing without sweating performance. That’s assuming, of course, you can keep it in play for four-plus rounds.

Which type of golfing personality are you?

Every golfer is one of these 5 personality types. Which one are you?

Looking to improve your golf mental game? We've got some tips for you, and it all starts with understanding what personality type you are.

Dr. Bhrett McCabe is one of the foremost sports psychologists on the planet. As the founder and CEO of The Mindside, his business is helping athletes across all sports think better. He works with a number of PGA Tour players, so I gave him a call to glean some tips for how regular golfers can improve their golf mental game.

The first — and most important step — to improving is to understand what kind of personality type you are. According to Dr. McCabe, every person reverts to one of four personality types under pressure. Understand which one your are, and use it to perform your best when the pressure’s.

Personality Type #1: Amped-up

The “amped up” personality type is someone who plays their best golf when they get…well, amped up. Their golf mental game involves a lot of emotion. Players like Ian Poulter or Jon Rahm. They have have a short temper, but they can use it to get themselves hyped-up, which helps them play their best golf.

A tip for amped-up golfers: If you’re an “amped-up” golfer, give yourself lots of pep talks and pump-up speeches. Emotion is a good thing for you, so use it!

Personality Type #2: The Tactician

There are lots of tacticians in golf, Dr. McCabe says. These are players whose golf mental game, under pressure, gets very tactical and detailed (and perhaps a bit too slow). Tacticians don’t benefit from thinking about the situation, merely the next chess move ahead of them.

A tip for tactician golfers: When you’re under pressure, think about nothing other than the next shot you need to hit — and start breaking it all down.

Personality Type #3: The Bubble Player

The Bubble Player is the classic, get-in-the-zone, game-face players. Golfers, like Tiger Woods (or Happy Gilmore!), who need to find their happy place for their golf mental game to be at its best.

A tip for bubble golfers: Find your happy place! When the nerves kick-up, take a moment to think about the things that make you happy, calm and relaxed.

Personality Type #4: The Worrier

Worrying isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, some players need to worry in order to play their best. Dr. McCabe explains that when the pressure ticks-up, some players need to resolve their worries by worrying and complaining about things out of their control. Sergio Garcia is a good example of a worrier.

A tip for worrier golfers: When you start to worry about the pressure, don’t try to stop worrying. Worry, complain, let it all out. Just don’t bother your playing partners about it.

Personality Type #5: The Chosen Player

The chosen player accepts things are out of their control and submits to it. They release themselves to the will of fate or some other higher power, and let the chips fall where they may. Often these players have deeply-held religious beliefs, Dr. McCabe says. Webb Simpson is an example of a chosen player.

A tip for chosen golfers: Take solace in the fact that win or lose, your outcome is pre-determined.

Angry Golfers🤬

How to deal with an angry playing partner without letting it ruin your game

When you're playing partner loses their head, keep yours. Here's four tips to help.

If you’ve played golf long enough, you’ve been there. Your playing partner isn’t playing well and his mental game is shot as a result. They’re angry and losing their temper…how do make sure that doesn’t hurt your own game? Well have no fear, because renowned sports psychologist and founder of The Mind Side, Bhrett McCabe, Ph.D., has four tips to help…

1. Build A Wall

Protect yourself—don’t cede your power, process and purpose to your partner’s emotional outbursts. Double your focus on your game. Worrying about their actions will simply amp the frustration.

2. Get Zen

Find time to recenter your presence. Tapping into the old saying “Be where your feet are” is a great mental trick to reconnect to what you’re doing in the present moment, not to their meltdown.

3. Accept the challenge

Your partner’s condition will indeed impact you, despite your best efforts. Just as a smoker going cold turkey must embrace lasting cravings, accept the fact that finishing the round isn’t going to be easy.

4. Start a CountDown

The moment your partner officially goes to the Dark Side, count the number of holes you have left and play them as a post-implosion mini-round. In the grill room, calmly confront him over his actions. Life—and rounds—are too short for this.

It's the Law!

Golf!

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

Hazards attract, fairways repel.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, the probably shot an eight.

The higher a golfer's handicap, the more likely he is to try to tell you what you're doing wrong.

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddie: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."

A good golf partner is one who's always a little bit worse than you are.

Q: You spend too much time thinking about golf! Do you even remember the day we got married?
A: Of course I do! It was the same day I sank that 45-foot putt.

New Rules for Pheasants members

The Veterans Golf Association has negotiated with The Royal and Ancient Golf Club, based in St Andrews, Scotland to modify the Rules of Golf for Pheasants members.

Rule 1.a.5
A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. The member should not be penalized for tall grass which groundskeepers failed to mow. 

Rule 2.d.6 (b)
A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The player must estimate the distance the ball would have travelled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there. 

Rule 3.b.3(g)
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the Crime by charging themselves with a penalty. 

Rule 4.c.7(h)
If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf. 

Rule 5. 
Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.

Rule 6.a.9(k) 
There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds." If penny-pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.

Rule 7.g.15(z)
There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. Pheasants golfers should not be penalized for manufacturers' shortcomings. 

Rule 8.k.9(s) 
Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new golf equipment. Since this is financially impracticable for many of the societies golfers, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.

Please advise all your senior friends of these important rule changes.

Golf Trivia

1. Golf balls were originally made of wood. Later, they were made from boiled feathers stuffed into stitched leather known as "featheries". The modern, and cheaper, golf ball filled with gutta-percha was not developed till 1848. 
2. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball. 
3. Balls travel significantly further on hot days. A golfer swinging a club at around 100 mph will carry the driver up to eight yards longer for each increase in air temperature of 25°F. 
4. Approximately 20 million golf balls are lost in water hazards in the UK each year. 
5. Phil Mickelson, who plays left-handed, is actually right handed. He learned to play golf by mirroring his father's golf swing, and he has used left handed golf clubs ever since. 
6. The chances of making two holes-in-one in a round of golf are one in 67 million. 
7. The youngest golfer to shoot a hole-in-one, known to Will and Guy, was Coby Orr, who was five years old at the time. It happened in Littleton, Colorado, USA, in 1975. That is unless you know better. Tiger Woods was 8 years old says Will. 
8. Golf was banned in Scotland from 1457 to 1502 to ensure citizens wouldn't waste time when preparing for an English invasion. 
9. 80% of all golfers will never achieve a handicap of less than 18. 
10. Golfers use an estimated $800 USD million worth of golf balls annually. [Approx £52 million GBP]

Alternative Golf Shot Names (not totally PC)

A

Adolf Hitler - Two shots in a bunker

Army  - golfLeft, right, left, right...

Arthur Scargill - Good strike, poor result

Anna Kournikova - Looked good, but no result

B

Bin Laden - Driven into the hills, never seen again

Bing Crosby - Any excuse to get out of buying a drink at the 19th.

Brazilian - Shaved the edge

Bun in the oven / Knocked up - Felt good, but not worth the trouble it's got you into

C

Calista Flockhart - Thin, but looked OK

Colonel Gadddafi - Dangerous in sand

Condom - Safe, but didn't feel very good

Circus Tent  - A big top

Cuban / Fidel Castro - Needed one more revolution

D

Diego Maradona - Nasty little five footer

Diego Maradona - Fat, but handy

Douglas Bader - Looked good in the air, but no legs

Durex - Play safe and don't rip it

E

Elephant's a**e - High and pretty shi**y

Elin Nordegren - Smashed an iron into woods

Eva Braun - Lying dead in a bunker

F

G

Gerry Adams  - A provisional

Glen Miller - Kept low and didn't clear the water

H

Hiroshima - A disaster on the 6th

I

An IRA - A provisional

J

James Joyce  - A difficult read (see also 'Salman Rushdie' and 'Umberto Eco')

Jean-Marie Le Pen - Way right

Jeffrey Archer - Another poor lie

Joe Pesci - A nasty 5-footer

John Prescott - A punch into the gallery

John Wayne Bobbitt - A vicious slice, ended up short

K

Kate Moss - Very thin, but it worked

Kate Winslett - A touch fat, but almost perfect

Katherine Jenkins - A perfect pitch (coined by the BBC's Ken Brown at the 2010 Ryder Cup, where the Welsh opera singer had sung at the Opening ceremony)

Kelly Holmes - Is it straight or not?

Ken Livingstone -  Miles left

L

Ladyboy / Transvestite - Looks easy, but more to it than meets the eye

Laura Davies - Not pretty, but long

Lee Harvey Oswald - Three good shots from nowhere

Leon Klinghoffer - Two shots and into the water

Lorena Bobbitt - A nasty slice

M

Michael Barrymore - A long iron

Michael Jackson - Fading gently

Mick Jagger - A big lip out

Miss Piggy - Fat, but held onto the green

Moped - One that gets you there, but you're not very proud of it

Mrs Robinson - You know you shouldn't take it on, but it's just too tempting

N

Nagasaki - A disaster on the 9th

Nitby - Not in the bunker, yet...

O

O.J. Simpson - Terrible cut, but got away with it

P

Paula Radcliffe - Not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell, and runs even further

Paula Radcliffe - Very flat at the top

Pharoah - Buried in the sand

Princess Diana - Shouldn't have taken a driver

Princess Grace - Should have taken a driver

Peter Mandelson - Good result from a bad lie

Peter Mandelson - An iron that generates a lot of spin

Prince Edward - You really want to smack it, but you can't

Q  

R

Red October - In the water, can't find it

Robin Cook - Died on the slope

Rock Hudson - Looked straight, but it wasn't

Rommel - Going from one bunker to another

Rodney King - Overclubbed

Ryanair - Flew OK, but landed miles away

S

Saddam Hussein - Going from bunker to bunker

Salman Rushdie - Tough read

Sally Gunnell - Not pretty, but runs a long way

Sister-in-law / Mother-in-law - You're up there, but you know you shouldn't be

Son-in-law -  Not all you hoped for, but it'll have to do

Stevie Wonder - Never saw it

T

Ted Kennedy - Drove in the water and lost one

Tony Blair - Too much spin

Tony Blair - A succession of poor lies (many other politicians also used for this, eg Bill Clinton, George Bush)

Tony Blair-  Sometimes left, sometimes right, but mostly down the middle

U

Umberto Eco - Impossible to read

V

W

X

Y

Yasser Arafat - Ugly and in the sand

Z

As you can see, there are gaps so, if you know of anymore just let me know and I will add them in....